


Let The Flame Burn It All

by semioticdaydream



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abusive Behavior, Anal Sex, Angst, Brief Negative Self-Talk, Dark Steve Rogers, Dubious Consent, Edging, Emotional Hurt, Everything Hurts, Guilt, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Not A Fix-It, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Power Imbalance, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Self-Doubt, Sexual Content, Unhappy Ending, Unreliable Narrator, feelings of being trapped, slightly ambiguous ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:07:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29260242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/semioticdaydream/pseuds/semioticdaydream
Summary: The stress of all they had endured as Avengers and the friction caused by their disagreement over the accords left Steve devoid of what he once considered integral parts of his identity. Their clandestine trysts were all that they shared. He couldn’t supply Tony with the words he wished for, no matter how desperately he wanted to. Nothing he could do would ever be enough, so Steve reasoned they may as well spend their time communicating through moans. Somehow, in spite of his temper and all that he was unable to give, Tony seemed to agree.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14
Collections: POTS (18+) Stony Stocking 2020





	Let The Flame Burn It All

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sapphic_Futurist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphic_Futurist/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [Sapphic_Futurist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphic_Futurist/pseuds/Sapphic_Futurist) in the [stony_stocking_2020](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/stony_stocking_2020) collection. 



> I combined the two prompts below for this dark little rollercoaster. I selected to decline to use archive warning out of an abundance of caution, however please take care to mind the tags.  
> I hope you enjoy!  
>  **Prompt:**  
>  "This is what's best for us. Trust me." **+** Steve and Tony see each other again for the first time after Civil War where everything hurts (literally, figuratively, does it get better - who knows?)

“This is it?”

“For tonight, yeah.”

Tony gingerly crossed a humble threshold. With his hands in his pockets, he maintained an air of casualty that Steve knew was disingenuous. Steve watched with solicitous eyes as Tony carefully surveyed the pitiful room, employing a level of focus a piece of art displayed at the MoMA more deserved. “‘S not bad,” came the unconvincing reply. 

“Not bad, huh? You should’ve seen the place we found in Athens,” he supplied regrettably, cognizant as he stepped into the space. 

“If _you_ can’t even say something nice, it must have been shit.” A genuine spark shone through Tony’s words. He chanced a passing glance over his shoulder before abruptly looking away. “Your accommodations always this, uh, modest?”

“Bruges wasn’t bad, Amsterdam, Krakow…even Chisinau had charm. But when you gotta keep up with these scattered leads, fast, and remain unnoticed...well,”

“You find yourself a discreet little - what do we call this? A - room? One, two, three, four walls and...yep! A ceiling. Of course. It’s a room. A nice little _room_.”

He’d missed this. He’d missed Tony’s flippant remarks, his sarcasm, his naturally flirtatious disposition. It was the awkward sort of easy he’d always enjoyed with Tony. He hadn’t dared to believe the familiarity would flow so easily. 

And yet, words unspoken still charged the atmosphere, regrets sat heavy in his throat, and pain threatened to break the thin thread of niceties that barely existed. There now existed a tiny ball of heat in his chest so volatile that Steve believed it might spontaneously combust without a moment’s notice. It hadn’t even been five minutes, and he already felt raw and exposed in Tony’s presence. 

The fact that Tony was even here inspired reverence within him. For the past seven hours, upon learning that Tony intended to travel to meet him, he thought about what it must feel like to travel alone to an unknown place to face the man who destroyed you. He would have empathy, if only they had been enemies. But a friend - that was incomprehensible. 

Steve wasn’t entirely sure he was even ready to meet when Tony broached the subject, but also didn’t feel as if he had the right to decline. He actually didn’t have any rights at all. He fully expected their reunion to be overwhelming, and reality didn’t disappoint. Not that either of them was willing to acknowledge the fact.

“You didn’t have to come.”

“You didn’t have to tell me where you were.”

Tony held Steve’s gaze. Whatever apprehension he clutched so tightly upon entering the room, Tony seemed to have abandoned. 

“Probably shouldn’t ‘ve told you.” Steve’s voice was low, almost a growl he was unable to contain. 

“And yet here I stand.”

 _Here you stand,_ his mind echoed. It tore at him, slowly, piece by piece. Here Tony stood, having traveled half-way across the globe, lying and deceiving every person he knew and every person who knew him, just to be _here_ , in a dilapidated basement in an unknown alleyway of a nondescript European city. 

And, for what? To talk? About what? They’d tried on the phone, on and off for months, and there was nothing productive to talk about. Was it to represent some unenforceable doctrine? That couldn’t be, as Tony shirked his pseudo-ambassadorship responsibilities months ago. Was he here to create a new agreement? Arrest him? Steal his DNA? No, no, _no_. 

What, then, brought Tony Stark to share the same air with an explosive renegade in a shitty room in a forgettable foreign city?

“Steve, I-”

“You’d do well to get some rest,” he tried, studying the man before him. 

“And how exactly do you expect me to do that here?” Tony remarked, matter-of-fact in his challenge.

Steve leaned in, doused in kerosene, and let the flame catch. 

***

_-Six weeks later-_

Soft light woke Steve from a troubled slumber. He knew it was early, but the exact hour evaded him. A slight pang of panic rose in his gut - he hadn’t overslept, had he? He glanced around for a clock but couldn’t seem to find one. Instead, inconveniently, he found himself to be stuck. To his left, Tony was sleeping peacefully, mouth agape, a small droplet of drool making its escape from the corner of his lips - and to his right was an unforgiving wall, a wall that supplied the solid support they required for their activities only hours ago, but that now felt like an impenetrable barrier, maintaining his captivity. 

He took a breath knowing he’d have to disturb Tony’s slumber. It wasn’t his first choice - Tony was exhausted, he had to be, he’d been getting barely any more sleep than Steve had been the past few weeks, and even for a super soldier the lack of REM cycles had taken their toll. The absence of respite alone would be enough to exhaust Tony, but last night, the brunet was feeling particularly amorous, and he spent every ounce of energy he could exert expressing his enthusiastic feelings for Steve. 

But Steve knew he had to slip out of the covers and climb out of the bed lest he risk more dire consequences. He rolled to his side, placed a hand on a bare chest, and gently jostled. “ _Hey, I’ve gotta get out,_ ” he whispered, albeit gruffly, in Tony’s ear. He implored a few more requests before Tony sleepily grunted and sat up, zombie-like, to afford Steve the space to climb out from behind him. 

Once Steve had cleared the bed, Tony collapsed back into the sheets. They would leave this place, like they always did, as the precedent set by the past six weeks dictated. Steve would be gone before full morning light, and pursue the newest lead in his vigilante plight to stomp out any whispers of evil. Tony would wake shortly after, and slip out too, presumably traveling to the nearest respectable region to save-face with SI or Pepper or Rhodey or if anyone in his life was particularly bothersome and needed to be quelled. Steve would eventually send a new location, encrypted of course, and their rendezvous would proceed at yet another uncouthly procured lodging. Another pin in the map, another pain in his heart.

Steve silently fished around for his clothes before preparing to vacate the room. He could still smell Tony on his skin, and wished for a shower. But the growing saturation of pale early-morning glow from the window told him there was no time for matters of hygiene. 

A quiet groan emitted from the plush heap he had just escaped. Steve glanced over his shoulder to see Tony, eyes closed, contented smile animating his face, reaching a weary hand in his proximity. 

Steve gave a half-hearted eye roll, contemplating his assured tardiness, then immediately chastised himself for his reaction. Tony was exhausted, alone in their shared bed, and asking only for a brief acknowledgement before he was to leave him for at least the next 20 hours, if not longer. Tony was kind and patient, and open, so open for him. He followed Steve across foreign continents, undoubtedly risking his own world to do so. 

If guilt was something Steve had the capacity to feel any longer, he might have felt it by now. The stress of all they had endured as Avengers and the friction caused by their disagreement over the accords left Steve devoid of what he once considered integral parts of his identity. Their clandestine trysts were all that they shared. He couldn’t supply Tony with the words he wished for, no matter how desperately he wanted to. Nothing he could do would ever be enough, so Steve reasoned they may as well spend their time communicating through moans. Somehow, in spite of his temper and all that he was unable to give, Tony seemed to agree. 

_"Are you going to come, Nomad?”_

_A desperate, strangled cry accompanied his explosive release. He hadn’t expected it, but something about Tony’s sultry voice calling him that name forced the building orgasm out of him instantaneously. Tony knew him so well, he could make him come on command, effortlessly._

Enticed by the flash of a memory from last night, Steve paused. He remembered what it was like when they were connected. Touching Tony’s naked skin felt like touching electrified velvet every time. It was novel, tantalizing, and insanely addictive. The intimacy they shared was overwhelming to his every faculty, a force that rendered Steve powerless to overcome. He was desperate to feel what he once did, something that could strike his soul, a sensation he had long since lost. In his reckless plight, he made sure to push further each time, roughly claiming Tony’s body in ways he hadn’t dreamt of. Tony didn’t ask for it, but of course he wanted it. He had to have wanted it. 

At every opportunity, Tony still avidly wished to be with Steve, intimately, with focus and excitement and passion. A few hours ago, Tony attentively brought Steve to the brink over and over, so many times he lost count, edging him so assiduously that his body felt untethered by mass, then meticulously extracted a series of no less than nine overwhelming orgasms, so powerful he felt every empty space in his body fill with light and warmth and bliss. 

And now, months after Steve attacked, weeks after Steve took, a day after Steve had snapped and yelled and dismissed, hours after Tony filled him with incandescence and yearning and awe, Steve was inconvenienced once again by Tony’s affections. 

Tony wasn’t even coherent, and his instinct was to request one last kiss before Steve slinked away. 

Steve closed the distance with four swift paces and gave a quick brush of his lips to that insatiable grin. Tony replied with a contented groan as Steve was nearly out the door. 

Something foreign settled in his gut, replacing his vexation over the delay. _You’re such a piece of shit_ , it hissed. _You don’t deserve him_. 

He knew the solution was to try harder, and be better for Tony. He knew to assuage his temper and vanquish the numbness filling his soul would require work to change and fix what was broken within himself. Only then could he hold all of the shattered pieces that comprised Tony with such immeasurable strength that they might begin to fuse into a warm, lopsided mass, imperfectly created, but at least finally whole again. He knew that’s what Tony deserved. 

_You don’t deserve him_ was the sentiment that won out in his mind. 

_You don’t deserve him_ was trailing lower and lower, threatening to infect his heart and extinguish the flame. 

_You don’t deserve him_ was starting to feel like a whisper from the man on his shoulder, only he couldn’t tell which side was speaking. 

The ghost of the useless affirmation echoed in his empty body, dark and cold once again, devoid and hardened with misery. Maybe their stolen moments weren’t enough, and he would never find what he craved from Tony. The relief he found when they were together was fleeting, and it was beginning to take its toll. Maybe he’d been wrong about it all. It would be easier to walk away and never come back. 

In the brisk air of the city, Steve secured his gear just outside of the building. He wouldn’t let himself be bothered by the fact that his utility belt was a few ounces lighter on the left side. He needed time to think. Keeping the phone would just cause more pain.

***

_-Six weeks ago-_

“Steve, I-”

_“Don’t, Tony.”_

_“I want to talk. We can fix this, I swear we can.”_

_“No.” His tone was sinister. “No talking. Talking gets us nowhere. Only this, just you and me."_

_“If you would just talk to me, Steve-”_

“You’d do well to get some rest,” he interrupted.

“And how exactly do you expect me to do that _here_?”

Steve leaned in. 

_He claimed Tony’s mouth with his own._

_Ravenous hands greedily stripped Tony bare and traversed every inch of his body._

_Yearning propelled his every desperate movement._

Doused in kerosene.

_Steve released himself from his pants. He watched only for a moment as Tony’s eyes grew wide before he hastily pushed inside of him._

_“Steve, I want-”_

_“No talking,” he growled. “This is what’s best for us. Trust me.”_

And let the flame burn it all.


End file.
